Why we'll never understand the opposite sex

For men, they don't get women, they probably never will. For women, we don't get men, and we probably never will.
Sure sometimes we like to think we have a fair idea of what the opposite sex is about and then they throw a spanner in the works and you sit back and think... "I honestly just don't know, and I can't think of how to fix this... WHAT THE FUCK"

After having a conversation with the new guy I'm seeing who likes to call himself my boyfriend (sometimes I even call myself his girlfriend, crazy), he says that he doesn't like me touching him so much in public or around his friends. Holy shit, I didn't realize that I molested the people I go out with.
What makes matters more confusing is that behind closed doors I'm not over the top, its fine (quote, unquote). So basically he says its his problem and that he needs to get us(bah)ed to it, but at the same times needs me to cool it down a bit.

Jesus, Christ. When am I aloud to touch him now, can I hold his hand, or only at certain times can I, am I aloud to kiss him, or is that out of the question. I'm thinking obviously I'm not aloud to be dry humping his leg like I have been... Oh wait a minute I haven't been.
*sigh* I even asked my former lover was I too clingy in public, he answered no, I was normal. THERE IT IS, NORMAL. He said I was NORMAL, that means my new boyfriend is..... Everyone say it together NOT NORMAL!

Ok... Breathing in and out.

So... Bottom line is, I don't get guys, when am I aloud to touch him, if at all. And why is it ok behind closed doors, I'm not that butt ugly!!